Eulogy of the Descente

Everyone’s got that memory of that old beater they honed their auto skills on, stalled out trying to figure out a shaky clutch, or wound up broken down on the roadside. Heck, if you didn’t have that old POS, you probably had the pleasure of driving one of your friends. Once you got the hang of it, it offered something that your new ride never could: the unparralled gift of only caring if it’ll get you from here to there. That my friends, is a gift that opens about a million doors of hilarity and fun. I vividly remember riding in the passenger seat of one of my buddies prime beater from ‘91; the thing was a beast. Bench seating, no working speakers, bald tires…

The driver (his girlfriend) was driving and skidded into a snowbank during a classic Maine snowstorm. In a new car, that’s reason for rage. In the beater? Hilarious! How’s this relate to kayaking? Just like that old car, everyone’s got their first geriatric kayak they learned in. It’s simply too expensive to learn in the latest and greatest gear. My beater? The 1996 Wavesport Descente.

It was a banana of a boat. Literally, a banana shape. No edges for turning, completely smooth, tons of volume, a sweet blue-black-white fade. Not only was it heavy, it had improvised outfitting from some door trim and insulation foam I scavanged from our rental’s basement. But back in the 90’s, I like to think this girl rode every stream on the east coast. She was covered in gouges, had two cracks sealed with some sort of rubbery patching material. Not the prettiest, but hey, it was 40 bucks at a tag sale. It floated (mostly), and it was beautiful like an old memory.

I learned to roll in that lump of plastic, went out in my first flood conditions on the nearby Stillwater, and generally abused it. It was like the car, forgotten in the driveway during freezing cold winters and shoveled out when it was time to use it. It got hit by a few cars (mostly beaters themselves), plowed into snowbanks, and topped off with water as an accidental reflecting pool. Frogs were calling it home. But as I got more skilled and bought nicer boats, I noticed that I couldn’t neglect them like the ol’ Descente. After breaking 2 boats in about 3 runs, stories for another time, I’d occasionally go back to the Descente for the occasions that were likely to result in boat trauma.

Deep down, I thought it’d last forever.

It wasn’t meant to be. Plans were made to head up to Vermont with Gilly and hit a Northeast classic, the New Haven river. Characterized by boulder gardens and a few ledge falls, I figured it was time to bring the Descente out of retirement. I painstakingly installed the outfitting from a defunct kayak planter (a Jackson Hero) and did the best duct tape welds humanly possible. The boats were loaded up and the journey was made.

At the put-in, I got plenty of positive comments on the boat. “Man, that’s a sweet old school boat. Fast, you ought to race it.” It’s always great to get the old beater out, does something to boost a kayaker’s ego.

Gear was put on, kayaks unloaded, and after a quick walk to the water, it was on. With a quick check inside the boat, I was satisfied that my welds were holding the water back. Confidence was high. Flow was low.

Of course, about two drops into the first rapid (above), *CRUNKACRUNCH*. Initital thought? My welds aren’t holding up… hope it holds out til I can fix her up again. An instant later on the next tiny drop, *CRAAAACK*. This was repeated, over and over and over, until that lovely embrace of December water was quickly recalled and fondly felt.

I managed to finish the section, hit the riverbank, and hop out quick while laughing the whole time. The boat was about half full with water, with about 5 huge cracks to the sides and floor. I gave it a solid half hour of duct tape and plumbers torch repair, but it just wasn’t going to happen. With that, my beater was finally dead.

But man, it gave some the greatest times. It’ll make a great planter for the yard. And to top it off, someone let me finish the day in their beater, an Outlaw. Can you beat that?